This is a five-part reflection (the first in a trilogy spanning three years) regarding my progress and development as a person and in the different aspects of my identity, from September 2015 to January 2016. Through this process, I have discovered things about myself that otherwise I would have never known. I have found it incredibly interesting to be able to view my development over the course of the five months that this reflection spans. Enjoy!
Part A: Me, the Writer
This part of the reflection details the depth to which I have developed as a writer.
Five months ago, I was primarily a novelist and a short story writer who thrilled in writing essays. My entire writing identity revolved around the telling of stories, and telling them in ways that as a reader I would want to hear. Creatively, I stayed away from writing non-fiction, as I never found I could connect with realism the same way I could connect with the creation of my own world, characters, and story. However, I excelled at essay writing, especially on an analytical level. My writing- though it did slowly progress- never seemed to have dramatic advancements because I hadn’t been able to find a safe environment where I could receive valuable constructive criticism of my work.
Now, my writing identity has shifted to a place where I am more content with my writing than ever. Where I am now is a place in which I can be proud of what I can do, be eager to learn more, and be willing and able to improve. As a novelist, I have begun to look at planning aspects of my writing rather than just jumping into the writing. This was never something that I was able to do before, and it was something that hindered my ability to write effectively. Now, I find that when I write my novel, I have a stronger sense of control over what I am writing, and I am able to progress further and deeper into the story than ever before. This makes the writing more meaningful and strong in terms of cohesion, intention, and unity.
Another huge shift in my writing identity has been in terms of poetry. I have never been a poet, nor had I ever written meaningful poetry that I was proud of. In the last four months, my contact with poetry has been revolutionized. I found a side of me that loved to write poetry because it gave me a space where I could develop my ideas and philosophies in a creative way. With the unique structure and stylistic opportunities that poetry offers, I have found that I am now more motivated and eager to write poetry than ever before.
Perhaps the largest shift in my writing has been in my balance between human story and stylistic lyricism. I was and am typically a writer who fills my pieces with double meanings, deeper levels, interpretative ideas. This is something I love about my writing, but looking back I can see that it got in the way of my ability to tell a human story. Now, I have significantly improved in terms of being able to tell a story that others will understand and appreciate for its emotional value, not just its intellectual value (although I still need to improve on this.)
In terms of ideas, details, structure, voice and style, and GUMPS, each of these areas has developed and improved within my writing- some more than others- but each irrevocably and in positive ways.
My ideas in particular have gone through a significant shift; as a perfectionist, I tend to overthink and overanalyze everything- meaning that finding the right thing to write about is quite a challenge for me. In the past this has resulted in chronic writer’s block, because a lack of ideas meant I had nothing to write about. But when I did have an idea- a 
good idea- I could produce a brilliant piece from it. Now, I have the resources to create inspiration inside of myself, and I have the tools to produce ideas for myself. For example, I have learned how to draw inspiration from art, photographs, and other writing. Emulations are another huge part of why I can now generate a flow of ideas. Emulating the work of another writer gives me the opportunity to try on their style. Even if I find that their writing is not a good fit for me, emulating always gives me a fresh and unique perspective on how to write and what to write about. I still struggle somewhat with coming up with ideas, but I now have the tools I need to generate my own inspiration, which is a huge change for me.
My pieces has always been written in great detail- almost always so much detail that it takes away from the story. It is still a struggle for me to scale back and allow things to stand alone, but I have made strides in doing so. Though it is still something that I need to improve on, I have made significant improvements already, and it is astonishing to see how much better I have become at telling the story of the piece rather than overloading on detail.
The structure of my writing has not been revolutionized, but has changed in a small way. Beforehand, (in terms of novel writing, short stories, and essays) my paragraphs were too chunky and thick, being filled with unnecessary detail or repetition. The structure of my sentences, as well, was too lengthy and exceeded the attention span of my audience. I have learned and am still learning to change the structure of my writing to make it less work to read, and to make it more clean and efficient.
My voice and style have both developed over this time, but in particular my voice has changed: when writing through the perspective of a character or through my own perspective, I had a tendency to distance myself from the pathos of my writing. I did this in a few different ways: I would switch to using a passive rather than active voice, I would intellectualize my writing to hide emotion, and I would complicate the emotions in my writing to make them uncomprehendable. I did not do this to prove that I was smart or to impose ethos and logos upon my audience… rather, it was that my voice was scared of pathos and scared of what I felt. Now, I feel as though tendrils of this fear still cling to me, but I have managed to shake off the majority of it. This makes my voice in writing much freer and much more obvious, because it is no longer hiding the way it used to. In terms of style, I have developed a comfortability with using figurative language among other rhetorical elements, making my writing even more multi-layered. This is something I have to be wary of (lest it becomes excessive) but I am pleased that my style in writing is becoming more sophisticated and is considering rhetorical devises and intentionality more.
My GUMPS are the one thing that has changed very little in the last few months- other than improved correctness in using active and passive voice. My GUMPS are fairly consistent in their accuracy, and while there is always room for improvement, I am satisfied with my proficiency.
I would explain my voice as being strong in its convictions, yet still slightly guarded. When I or a character believes something, it is explained or demonstrated with clarity and strength. Beliefs are the one thing that I will never compromise on, and this shows in my writing as I tend to write in absolutes and without leaving much room for doubting what I say. The other large element of my voice is in its guardedness around emotion. I have made strides in freeing my voice from fear of what I feel, but the reserved and cautious manner around pathos still remains. I may be able to describe emotion, but never in depth and usually not for an audience. My voice in writing is honest, but does tend to leave out the pathos. The one exception to this is my Spoken Word poem Angels’ Wings, in which my true voice broke through and explored the raw candidness of the pain I feel. I felt exposed at first when writing it, yet also empowered because for the first time I could say what I wanted to say. With the exception of this poem- in which my voice was powerful, candid, and particularly bold while still acknowledging my fears and accepting my weaknesses- my voice tends to be strong in conviction of my beliefs, and slightly guarded when it comes to dealing with emotion.
There are a few prominent things that are stylistic of me, the first being the long lyricism of my sentences. This can be dangerous, lest it interferes with the clarity of my writing, but it is something that makes my writing my own. Another element of my style is in the design of many of my pieces. The design is always very intentional, and I tend to format things in threes. This may not always be obvious to the reader, but I think that on some level it makes my writing more pleasing to the eye and ear. For example, in my poem Forced Sleep, the narrator goes through three levels or cycles of sleep, each one of them a parallel to sleep’s hold on the narrator. The first level equates to awareness of the dangers of sleep, the second being seduced by the pleasures of sleep, and the third being the actual process of sleep. Another example is in my short story Muse, wherein three levels of narration are present, each reflecting one of three definitions of inspiration alongside the perspectives of three artists. The final large element of my style is in the layers of my writing. Every time that a word is mentioned twice in a piece, it is done so to place an undercurrent in my writing. Any time that there is parallelism in my sentence structure, it is there because of a deeper meaning. Almost everything in my writing has a second deeper layer to it, and usually layers beneath that as well. I do not expect my readers to be interested in figuring out my writing and the layering aspects of it, but it is part of my writing style and it is there to make my pieces meaningful.
Genres that I like to write from would include Dark Fantasy, Fables, Magical Realism, Philosophical Fiction, Dystopian Reality, but particularly Slice of Life. In terms of forms, I like writing non-fiction short stories, and fictional short stories, scenes, monologues, and novels. But I am now developing a passion for poetry that surpasses everything else.
I would advise future creative writers to blend their hearts and their minds on the page. This is something that
I am just learning to do- typically I write from my head and when I do write from my heart, I cover it with writing from mind. But when you blend intentionality with emotion, human story with stylistic devises, and heart with mind, you will find the perfect balance in your writing. I would also advise that you write everyday- even if you’re writing something that seems like crap, at least you’re writing. Our lives are busy, I know, but if we can make time for ten minutes of writing every day, not only will it be a victory, but we will improve significantly as writers. The last thing I would give out as advice is to listen for new words all the time. When you come across a word you don’t know, write it down, look up the definition, and make it part of your vocabulary. A wide vocabulary, I would say, is the key to good writing; it is what we do not know that holds us back.
My future goals and plans in writing are, in essence, to continue writing. I suppose this isn’t so much of a goal as a necessity- I don’t know what I would do with myself if I couldn’t write. I plan to make writing a part of my career- it will not be my sole occupation, but I will write and publish my work alongside my day job. Even if I can’t write for a living, I still live to write. In the near future, I will continue to submit some of my short stories and poems into publication contests, and I will begin building up a collection of my best poems and short stories so that I can (hopefully) publish a collection of these works. My goal is to publish at least one novel by the time I am thirty, and then to publish several after that. I plan to continue taking both Creative Writing and Advanced Placement English courses for the rest of my high school career, and I will incorporate writing components into my university classes. My true goal is to be able to write as much as I can without compromising other aspects of my life, and to continue writing for as long as I can.
Part B: Me, the Blogger
This part of the reflection details the depth to which I have developed as a blogger and as a reader of blogs.
When I began blogging, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I didn’t like the idea of putting up my work where the whole world could see it, and after looking at the blogs of others I felt inadequate and as though I wasn’t worthy of having a blog. Now, my perspective on blogs and my blogging identity has completely changed. I love being able to use the blog as a tool to better my writing- the prospect of putting my work onto the blog makes me work that much harder just to make sure that it is blog-worthy. The blog is a quiet stage but a stage nonetheless, and something about the stage just thrills me. I’m glad for the opportunity to be able to build my writing portfolio in such an easy, accessible way. I’m also grateful that I can see the polished work of others up on their respective blogs, because I know that it is their best work up there and I feel honored to be able to read these wonderful works of art. From these pieces I get inspired, I revel in the glory of other’s brilliance, and I just feel so blessed to have access to these vaults of writing. Rather than feeling inadequate, I now feel honored to be a part of something so spectacular. Now that I know what I’m doing (sort of) I feel more confident and ready to put myself out there, and blogs are such a great way to showcase my writing.
I would critique my blog by saying that I think I need more of an engaging and interesting front. This could be as simple as changing my theme or finding more stimulating images for my pieces, but the other part of this is that I feel I need to consider my audience more when I’m writing. I generally write for myself, but the great thing about the blog is it forces me to write for my readers, it forces me to consider the perspective of someone who may not know exactly what is going on in my head. Considering my audience more and making my blog more visually stimulating are the two things I would say I definitely need to work on here in order to further engage and interest. On the flip side, something I think I’m doing a good job of is the organization of my blog. I have set up my pages, categories, tags, and other sidebar elements in such a way that I think it is easy for those visiting my blog to find what they need and not be confronted by clutter. The theme I have chosen supports easy, convenient access and adds to the overall neatness of my blog. I’m proud to say that I think organization is certainly one thing I’ve done really well with on my blog.
I will definitely be keeping this blog running for as long as I can. It’s been such a valuable tool for me that I would have a very hard time giving it up. I want to keep it running because putting work on my blog builds an archive of some of my best writing, and it also makes me work harder when I write so that the writing can be blog-ready. I honestly can’t think of any reason not to keep my blog going- it wouldn’t even be extra work for me, because I write all the time anyways and the writing would just stay stuck in my journal otherwise, rather than seeing the light of blogs.
There are a few student blogs from my friends and peers that I would like to continue keeping up with. Realistically, I don’t have time to continue following all the blogs I would like to, but here are some of the blogs that I will be making time for:
- Carry on Wayward Writer- Katherine … The writer of this blog has such a unique style and incredible voice in her writing that I am always looking forward to seeing what she writes next. It’s a thrill for me to visit this blog, and I would love it if she continued to update it- because she definitely has a fan in me.
- Vault of Faults-Lucas … This writer is so insightful that there is no way I could let go of his blog. The ideas and philosophies explored have incredible depth to them, and all of the writing in this blog walks the line of human story and stylistic writer perfectly. Vault of Faults is a model for my own writing, and is just a beautiful contribution to the world of blogging.
- amor fati – claire … I am very intrigued by this blog and I absolutely love this writer’s style. She is both a brilliant and humble person, and I connect deeply with her writing. She is the only peer writer I have met who can make me cry with her writing.
I haven’t explored a great deal of professional blogs, but out of those I have, three in particular stand out to me as being exceptional.
- 123 Inspiration is a blog that showcases amazing art, design, photography, architecture, and other fascinating things. Every time I visit the blog, I find myself spending much longer in there than I intended to, simply because it is so interesting. I highly recommend it.
- Empty Kingdom is the second blog I want to highlight. It is a place of media art but is entirely different from 123 Inspiration somehow. The feel of this blog is very professional, and it inspires me to be a better artist and blogger. I give it my highest praise and hope that anyone reading this will check it out.
- thehunni … just trust me on this one.
Part C: Me, the Student
This part of the reflection details the depth to which I have developed as a student of my Creative Writing class.
I have had a few epiphanies in my Creative Writing class this semester, but I would say that the one that stands out to me the most was the realization that I liked non-fiction. Before this class, my contact with the world of non-fiction was limited, and it seemed a dry and uninteresting form of writing to me. But in learning how to use different styles of non-fiction and in learning how to draw out an ordinary moment and make it profound, I realized I actually liked writing and reading non-fiction. I classify this as an epiphany because when we moved into fictional short story writing, I realized that I had an urge to write non-fiction stories instead. Up until that point, I hadn’t realized how much I loved writing non-fiction, but in that moment I realized how impactful it had been for me. I also realized that everything I had written since being introduced to non-fiction writing- including my Spoken Word poems- were non-fiction pieces.
As a reader, have accomplished quite a bit. I feel that I have definitely warmed to poetry, being as it is now my favorite form to write from and among my favorites to read from. This goes for non-fiction pieces as well- they are now more welcome in my reading diet. I think my reading identity has also changed in the sense that I never used to read the work of my peers, and now I can’t get enough of it. It is astounding to me that my peers can write so brilliantly, and I am shocked and excited by their work- I feel so blessed to have gotten the opportunity to read it all.
My plans for what I will read next comes in the form of a long list. I aim to get through at least seven novels, one play, and four short stories by the end of Term 3. These novels, short stories, and plays may be chosen from the following list: A Thousand Splendid Suns (Khaled Hosseini), The Shadow of the Wind (Carlos Ruiz Zafón), I Am Malala (Malala Yousafzai), The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence), The Importance of Being Earnest (Oscar Wilde), The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini), Milk and Honey (Rupi Kaur), The Death of a Salesman (Arthur Miller), The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (James Thurber), On a Rainy River (Tim O’Brien), The Glass Roses (Aldan Nowlan), Things Fall Apart (Chinua Achebe), Flowers in the Attic Series (V. C. Andrews), The Glass Menagerie (Tennessee Williams), A Doll’s House (Henrik Ibsen), Hamlet (William Shakespeare), Shawshank Redemption (Stephen King), One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest (Ken Kesey), The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time (Mark Haddon), and Othello (William Shakespeare).
The best book I have read this semester would have to be Jean Anouilh’s Antigone. This play is written with deep intention. The diction, syntax, the very style of Anouilh is incredibly effective and this play bears meaning beyond anything we can initially imagine. From the characterization of Creon and Antigone to the deaths of each character to the role of the Chorus to the stage directions, everything is deliberate. It is obvious that the playwright has labored over every choice he made in order to write in full literary circles and with symbols that illustrate the trials of being human. This was a piece that I wasn’t ready to let go of after reading it and discovering in a rush of collective epiphanies the layers of writing. Down to the most minute of details, everything has a purpose and this is what fascinated me. Since reading Antigone, I have begun to make a conscious effort to be more mindful about my writing and make deliberate choices that put meaning and truth behind individual words and the text as a whole. One of the reasons that I love Antigone so much is because it has taught me to be a better writer, and has also shown me how to critically look for the intention behind everything.
Reading definitely improves my writing, and Antigone is a good example of that- it has taught me to write more intentionally and deliberately. Because I tend to write long, complex sentences that sometimes don’t need to be there, it was helpful to read texts like Antigone or A Streetcar Named Desire in which everything is there for a deep, deliberate reason. Reading also improves my writing because it gives me opportunities to understand the style of the writers- and if I like that style, I can learn from it and incorporate it into my own writing. However, I would say that the biggest reason as to why reading improves my writing because it gives me something to aspire towards. All of the incredible writers that I have the privilege to read make me want to be one of them every time I open a book and see the beauty they have crafted. Reading is an affirmation that I do want to write for the rest of my life. Reading gives me confirmation that I am meant to write, and it inspires me to do just that.
As a writer, I have accomplished great things as well. To restate things I have detailed earlier in this reflection,
I am now more interested in writing non-fiction and poetry. I have learned to blend my mind and my heart on the page in a mix of human story and stylistic writer. My style has evolved to become more intentional and to incorporate more rhetorical devises, and the biggest thing I would say I have accomplished in the last while as a writer is in learning how to plan the details of my novels and stories. In the past, I just let the story flow out of me. While being an easier and more inspiration based method, I had and still have difficulties coming up with ideas (although I have improved in this regard as well.) I realized that planning my stories would be more effective for me, and this realization revolutionized my writing. My latest short story, Muse, once polished, was one of the best short stories I have ever written, and I believe that part of the reason why is because I planned the design, structure, and plot of the piece.
My plan for future writing is to write for at least ten minutes every day, more if I can. Whether I get a great piece out of it or whether I wrote next to nothing, at least I will be writing something. I will also be working to develop my personal writing voice more. As well, I want to focus on writing poetry and non-fiction pieces in the near future, and will be putting the novels on hold for a while. I’ve realized that I’m not ready to take on a full novel yet, so in the meantime I will develop my skills. My next piece on the blog will be a poem, though I am not fully certain of the content yet.
I will definitely be taking Creative Writing again next year, because it has changed me for the better in a hundred different ways. Not just as a writer and reader, either- as a person. I find I can take criticism much better now, and I have become a more confident person. The environment of the class, as well, is a huge part of why I loved Creative Writing so much and why I want to continue on with it. This class was a safe place where I was surrounded by supportive people who were helping me to become better. I could never leave Creative Writing for these reasons, not to mention the fact that I love writing- and what better class to take for a lover of the written word?
Part D: Me, the Fan
This part of the reflection details the depth to which I have developed as a fan of professional writers, and explains my experience with Writer’s Seminars. (Writer’s Seminars are presentations done on various writers.)
Studying published authors has undoubtedly changed and improved my writing. It has made me more self-aware and intentional when I write, and the emulations I have written from the styles of these writers have been both enlightening and inspirational. I would say that the most significant way that studying these writer has changed my writing is in teaching me to use rhetorical devises. Before doing my Writer’s Seminar and seeing the Writer’s Seminars of others, I rarely used things like flashbacks and parallelism, and I never used things like sound devises. After seeing the effective use of these devises in professional writing, I began to use them in my own writing. Especially thanks to my emulations of these published authors’ styles, I have been able to see how important these stylistic devises really are. Beforehand, I would brush them off and write without their consideration, but now my writing has evolved and become more deliberate and sophisticated.
My Writer’s Seminar was done on Seamus Heaney, a Nobel-Prize winning poet but also a writer of criticism, plays, and prose. I was introduced to his work by my partner in the Writer’s Seminar, and after studying it for some time, we chose to do our Seminar on him. We decided to do so because Heaney is the perfect example of balance between human story and use of stylistic techniques. He is one of the reasons that I have improved in this area as well; he skillfully combines moments in his life or in a character’s life with deliberate structure, devices, and tone. Much of Heaney’s work is based off of his personal experiences, and typicalities of his writing include themes such as agriculture, war, death, nature, religion, and history. His poem Digging, which my partner and I featured in our Seminar, is a great example of Heaney’s style. Some of Heaney’s works that I particularly enjoyed include Mid-Term Break, Blackberry Picking, and of course Digging.
I have learned a lot from Heaney- both as a reader and a writer. In terms of writing, I had (and still have) the tendency to write with my head and not my heart. I would write about concepts and ideas that when put on paper, come across as dry or pedantic. Heaney’s writing has taught me how to write with my heart- his poetry is still very intellectual and intentional, but it comes from his experiences and his heart. So in terms of my writing identity, Heaney has changed me for the better by showing me how to do this, and showing me that great poets can write intelligently but in such a way that others can understand and love the writing as much as you do.
He inspires my reading identity by taking me outside of my comfort zone. I was usually a reader and a writer of short stories, essays, and novels, but not so much poetry. I have never bought an anthology of poetry with the intention of reading it, and I’ve never sought out poetry to read. After exposure to Heaney, I’m finding that the reader in me is more open minded and eager to read poetry, which is great because it expands my horizons and changes my identity as a reader.
Heaney’s poem Digging has even inspired my own poem, entitled Sharp, which is about how going through pain makes us see the world in a different way.
A Writer’s Seminar done by others that I feel really inspired by was done on H. P. Lovecraft. I am not a reader of horror, nor have I ever been attracted to the works of Lovecraft, Stephen King, or similar writers. But the facilitators of the Seminar, when teaching the audience about Lovecraft’s works, told us of some of his advice to young, aspiring writers. When I heard Lovecraft’s advice, I was surprised because parts of it eerily echoed my thoughts on writing. This provoked me to go home that evening and write a second emulation based off of a passage we had been given during the Seminar. The first emulation I did during the Seminar was half-hearted, because at the time I was too fixated on my discomfort with gore. However, the second emulation I did- while not a great piece of writing- opened doors to a genre that was entirely new to me. I still am not comfortable writing horror, but it was thought-provoking and interesting to be able to step into that world for a moment.
With the H. P. Lovecraft Seminar, the biggest takeaway that I got (and one of the most valuable things I have learned these last five months) is that it is beneficial to try new things. As a person and a perfectionist, I have fairly rigid boundaries that are crossed none too often. However, I have warmed to the idea of trying new things and stepping way outside my comfort zone to get a flavor of what something like horror truly is. Before actually trying it, my perception of horror was much more negative and one-dimensional than it is now. This lesson I have learned not only applies to writing but to all aspects of my life. Therefore, I am very grateful for this Seminar, because it has done wonders for me.
I definitely intend to read more of the authors whose writing I have been acquainted with through Writer’s Seminars. Anne Sexton, for example, truly intrigued me and I fully intend to read more of her work. I will take baby steps with H. P. Lovecraft, but will none the less follow up with his writing. Other writers that I will be seeing more of include Sylvia Plath, Rumi, Ellen Hopkins, Edgar Allen Poe, and Shane Koyczan.
Part E: Me, the Critic of my work
This part of the reflection details the depth to which I have developed as a critic of my own work, and will describe my thought processes on writing my short story Muse, my poem Angels’ Wings, my non-fiction piece The Milestone, and my free choice short story The Current of Time.
My short story Muse was so entitled because the story is predominantly told from the collective point of view 
of muses, otherworldly beings that give inspiration to human artists. In seventeen words, a summary of theme and plot is as follows: Three perspectives explain meanings of inspiration, and show a divine influence upon humans and beings called muses. The purpose of this piece is to show that there are deep reasons as to why artists may suddenly feel inspired. It is a phenomenon we have never been able to explain properly, and so Muse was written with the intention of explaining, in a thought-provoking way, why we as humans become inspired. After receiving constructive criticism from my audience- a group of insightful, creative, and intelligent people- I revised this short story several times so that it blended consideration of my audience with what I want to say. Before getting feedback on Muse (although I didn’t know it at the time), I hadn’t considered my audience at all and was instead writing in a way that made sense to me, but not to anyone else. As a result, I had to go back and make several revisions upon Muse before it was ready for the blog. This also served as a good lesson for me in writing- never assume that your audience knows what’s going on inside your head. Even though the audience’s feedback was very valuable to me, the most significant person to have influenced the creation of this piece was my uncle. He is beginning the process of writing a novel, and in knowing I am a writer, asked for my help. During this process, we realized that he was excellent at coming up with ideas but at a loss for how to write, while I was a fluid writer but was always at a loss for ideas. This got me thinking about how writers become inspired, and ironically was my inspiration for this short story. My uncle made incredibly helpful suggestions and offered insights to me that significantly contributed to the creation of Muse.
I planned this short story in depth, and this aspect of my writing process meant that Muse became a highly stylized piece with much internal design and intentionality. There are a few of these stylistic choices that I wish to highlight. As mentioned earlier in this reflection, Muse is formatted in threes. The perspectives of the piece are threefold, coming from the respective point of views of humans, muses, and inspiration itself. There are three definitions of inspiration that are detailed at the beginning of the piece, each one of them corresponding to the points of view. There are also three humans, whose journey of inspiration is followed in the story. As well, there are three ways in which the eyes of muses see the world differently than humans:
“Our eyes see the world through the vivid, raw hues of an inverted crayon box, the color spectrum of our sight transposed to fit the opposite of what humans see. Our eyes sweep the world in urgent yet vacant search of the perfect instrument to project ourselves through. Our eyes, bright with timelessness, see everything at once.”
Another craft decision made with this piece was the color sight of the muses. The muses, as essentially alien beings, physically see the world’s colors as inverted. Blue is red, green is pink, black is white, and so on. I made the choice to invert the colors of this story to heighten the curiosity of the reader, and to make the feel of the story more alien and strange, because the muses are definitely not human and the writing needs to reflect that.
“On the black, empty canvas, his fiery skies and pink-leaved trees were made of vigourless, half-hearted strokes… a pale blue sun hung…”
The third significant craft decision I made was to italicize the definition and perspective belonging to inspiration itself. Unfortunately, because my blog theme does not support italics, I was forced to bold these lines instead, but the desired effect remains- attention is drawn to this perspective in particular. With both the perspective and the explanatory definition bolded, it becomes clear to the reader that it is a divine presence speaking, one who has influence over even the muses. These three craft decisions- the format of this piece in threes, the inversion of colors, and the bolding/italicizing of inspiration’s perspective- are the most obvious and most significant stylistic choices that I made with Muse.
The process of Muse’s creation, however, is less straightforward than my three craft decisions. After being inspired with the help of my uncle, the first thing I did was write a draft that was formatted in threes but missing many of the other elements present in the final product. The definitions that I used for inspiration changed over time as my ideas developed, and eventually I decided that the definitions would correspond to the perspectives of the piece. I received wonderful feedback from my audience, my mother, and my uncle. After many revisions, incredibly helpful constructive criticism, and an epiphany that made me consider color inversion, the final product of Muse was posted on the blog. When I realized that my italics for the divine point of view would be useless on the blog, I bolded this perspective and its corresponding definition. This marked my final revision of Muse.
Writing this short story was an incredible experience in itself. I produced a great piece in the end, but the best thing about this process was that through feedback, I realized the importance of considering one’s audience. I might not do it perfectly, but it is something that never again will I forget to take into account. I am grateful for this takeaway, and I am glad that what started out as poor man’s version of this story developed and blossomed into what it is now.
Writing Angels’ Wings was one of the hardest things I have done. This may sound as though it is an exaggeration (and perhaps it is) but in all seriousness, writing this poem took a lot of courage. Angels’ Wings is named for the last line in the poem:
“they also look like angel’s wings.”
This happened to be my favorite line in the poem because it is the line in which I admit I am beautiful and in which I 
acknowledge the existence of my beauty alongside being insecure. I knew when I wrote this line that Angels’ Wings needed to be the title of the poem, because it was such a powerful line that I needed to bring it out and highlight its importance. A seventeen word summary of story and themes for this Spoken Word poem would be: Girl compares her angular body to fragile stained-glass, but finds ways to strengthen stained-glass, making it bulletproof. The purpose of this piece is to show my audience- and all those who think me weak- that being slender and small doesn’t make you fragile. The other reason why I wrote this poem was to prove to myself that I could be strong and beautiful, because at the time I didn’t believe either of those things. I felt that my audience, being the same group of creative, intelligent thinkers, needed to hear this poem because even though they are absolutely wonderful people, I doubt that a quarter of them has ever looked at me and thought of me as a strong person. I felt that I needed to say this poem to my audience; I felt as though if I could stand and say these things, they would be true.
The obvious things to have influenced the creation of this poem were feelings of inadequacy in my body image, and hope that I would find a way to love myself. There were two major people who influenced the creation of this piece: my teacher and my mother. Originally, this was not going to be my Spoken Word piece; I had written four other Spoken Word poems and was debating over which of those four to choose. When this poem was written, it flowed onto the page straight from my heart, which for me is not a natural thing because I tend to be guarded and want to distance myself from my true emotions. But Angels’ Wings was a story that wanted to be told because it was a true story… it was a story that needed to be told. And so, I wrote this piece. But when I read the first draft of Angels’ Wings to my mother as part of five options for a Spoken Word poem, she dismissed it, saying she didn’t like the imagery. I both respect and value my mother’s opinion, and so Angels’ Wings became something to be buried in a journal, never to see the light of day. Left with four options and at a loss for which to choose, I sought the help of my English teacher. With the options I showed her, she gave me feedback and helpful suggestions. When I decided to show her Angels’ Wings, however, she read one line and said, “This is the poem you’re going to use.” The other four poems had been written with my mind, not the heart. Angels’ Wings was the one thing I had written (and arguably the only thing I have ever written) that was pure pathos, made of raw emotion and truth. And so, I worked with this piece, polishing it until it was infused with ethos and logos, finding its way into what I thought was a final draft. But it was nagging at me that my mother still did not like Angels’ Wings. Something that my teacher had said, about mothers not wanting to see the negative side of their children, made me ask her why she hadn’t liked the poem. She told me that she didn’t like the poem because it was harsh, and because it told the truth about how I saw myself. This made me want to revise my poem and make it something that ended with a tone of empowerment- not just for my mother but for myself. And so, the final draft of Angels’ Wings was written, and it has definitely been empowering for me. The influence of both my teacher and my mother have made this poem one of the best things I have ever written, and one of the most honest in terms of emotion.
One significant craft decision I made with this piece was the perspective of the poem. Angels’ Wings was originally written with several different perspective intertwined, but I decided on using the third person for the majority of the piece, with hints of second person running through it and with half a stanza written in the first person. Despite it being a raw and honest piece about me, I felt that I needed to use the third person for the majority of the poem, not to distance myself from it but to make my use of the first person at the end that much more profound. That section of first person speech- where I get to say what I want to say as myself- is a very powerful moment for me. I wanted to heighten it as much as I could, and using the third person throughout would highlight this section even more and really make it stand out. I also felt that I wanted to tie in elements of second person point of view, because in addressing the audience I am calling them out on the fact that they, too, believe I cannot be beautiful and strong. It is my way of letting them know that I am aware they believe this, and a way to let them know that they are wrong. Using the second person at times also makes the poem more personal for all of them, because I am involving them in the process of my empowerment, and the empowerment of anyone out there feeling the same way as me.
“…you made her out of glass.”
Another stylistic choice I made with Angels’ Wings is the full circle parallelism of the poem’s beginning and end. I wanted the poem to reflect the journey that I had gone through in writing it- I had begun believing that I wasn’t beautiful or strong, and by the end of the writing process, I believed both of those things. The structure of the poem reflects the narrator’s journey to empowerment- the first statement of the poem changes at the end to be a positive one. As well, the full circle effect is part of what makes the audience’s perception of Angels’ Wings more favorable; it is both pleasing to the eye and demonstrates to all the people out there feeling the same way as me that there is hope.
My process of creating this piece was enlightening. Alongside writing a truly pathos-based piece for the first time, writing Angels’ Wings is what made me believe in my own strength and beauty. Going through and writing the poem made me really wonder, “why can’t I be powerful and beautiful? Why do I see myself as weak and unattractive?” Answering these questions (and because I wanted to make the ending more positive after understanding why my mother had not liked it originally) made Angels’ Wings a poem that was self-discovery and empowerment based, rather than being something that was pitifully pathetic and filled with aimless complaints. At the same time, changing the poem in this way really made me realize that there was absolutely no reason why I should consider myself weak or unattractive. The process of writing this poem made me value myself. Earlier on in my explanation of Angels’ Wings, I mentioned that feedback from my mother and teacher had influence in the poem’s creation. My conversations with these two people and the feedback they gave me as well contributed to the revision and experimentation of Angels’ Wings. I would say that the biggest epiphany that I had with this piece (other than the realizations I had about myself) was using the extended metaphor of glass. I had originally wanted to use the imagery of stained glass in the poem, but decided against it, seeing as stained glass is especially breakable and I wanted to project the image of power at the end of the piece. However, it was suggested to me that I fortify the stained glass in the poem and protect the beauty inside layers of protection. This I dismissed at first because I had no idea how I would go about doing it. That night, before I fell asleep, the image of a man shattering a stained glass window with a bullet came to my minds’ eye. I realized in that moment that I did want to protect my own stained glass in Angels’ Wings, and that my poem would include the fortification of the beauty with bulletproof layers.
“I will fortify my glass
with layers of clear, shatter-proof fire cooled
into sheets of resistance.”
To end off my evaluation of Angels’ Wings, I would like to offer up a final thought, to everyone out there who may feel the same way I did: other people may not see you as being powerful or beautiful, but the moment you start believing it, others will begin to believe it too. But if you can truly learn to love yourself, it won’t matter what people think anymore. If you find yourself at a point where you can look at a part of yourself you wish you could change and in its place see angel’s wings… that is when you know that you are beauty and that you are power. This sounds somewhat cliché, but I have realized that it is true.
The Milestone, a non-fiction piece of mine, was so titled because it is based off of one of the most significant 
moments of my life. In seventeen words, I would summarize its theme and plot as being: While fulfilling a childhood dream of attending a Shania Twain concert, I realized innocent days were over. Honestly, when writing this piece- though I kept audience in mind and tailored this piece to fit that- I was really writing for myself. The Milestone is deeply personal and my purpose in writing it was to help myself discover what had really happened that night. It explores how the attendance of that concert, far from being a trivial thing, was something that I had coveted for so long that I no longer had a hold on who I was. When I was five years old, I created a wish list of things I wanted to do in my life. I had completed all of these things- except attending a Shania Twain concert. Going to this concert was a dream come true… and also marked the end of my childhood. Therefore, my purpose in writing The Milestone had to do with this experience being something that I wanted to go back and explore, and because it was something that I wanted to capture forever. Perhaps it was because I wrote this piece mainly for myself, but no one other than myself significantly contributed to its creation. I wrote it, revised it, wrote some more, and published it without much input from anyone else. But in terms of what influenced the creation of this piece, obviously my experience of the concert was the biggest factor in The Milestone ‘s creation. Additionally, my Speech Arts and Drama classes at the time were focussing on the motif of regret. This got me thinking about experiences that I wished I hadn’t had, or things I wanted to take back. Although The Milestone doesn’t quite fit that theme, thinking about regret was definitely one of the things to have influenced the creation of this non-fiction piece.
There were a few craft decisions and stylistic choices that I made with this piece, but two in particular that I want to highlight are my use of juxtaposition, and the structural choice of using Shania Twain lyrics at the end of the piece. First off, the antithesis of different emotions, experiences, and colors was a stylistic decision that came very naturally, but was still placed deliberately.
“The lights flashed in a pulsating alternation of red and green, blue and orange, yellow and purple.”
This is the first line of The Milestone, and right away establishes a strong contrast by coupling complimentary colours together. It gives the audience an immediate impression of there being opposing forces at play in this piece, and serves to foreshadow the subsequent struggle with opposing powers. Later in the piece, there are several clear points in which this juxtaposition is used to convey the confusion of that experience, and to demonstrate how the moment was wedged in a place between two extremes.
“I was depression and elation, fear and confidence, pleasure and pain, desperation and acceptance.”
It was important to me to use juxtaposition in this piece because it was the most effective way to demonstrate the experience of living in that moment. It also added colour (both literally and figuratively) to my piece, making The Milestone more interesting to the audience. The other significant craft decision I made- the structural choice of having Shania Twain lyrics at the end of The Milestone– was something that I took a lot of time to think about before I implemented. I debated about whether it would seem like a cliché way to end a piece about music, and I wondered whether it would be a cheesy conclusion to a heartfelt story. Despite those risks, I decided to add in the lyrics because they have deep meaning to me, and because I think they reflect the message of The Milestone beautifully.
“When I first saw you, I saw love
And the first time you touched me, I felt love
And after all this time,
You’re still the one I love
Looks like we made it
Look how far we’ve come my baby
We might have took the long way
We knew we’d get there someday”
Though the context of the song is romantic, as a child I didn’t understand that. I always took the words to be in reference to a love for music. Because I loved Shaina Twain, the words meant that my first encounter with Shania’s music was love. This meaning has stayed with me through the years, becoming all the more significant because the next lines describe how after all these years, I still loved the music. The last stanza became significant after the concert, because its double meaning in my life was that I eventually got to the concert, even though it took ten years. Because these hidden meanings specific to my circumstance were so perfectly embedded into the lyrics, I knew that I had to include it in The Milestone. I found that if I put the lyrics at the end of the piece, they would also make sense to the reader in the context of the story, although the depth of their meaning would not be immediately obvious. This stylistic decision was based off of how the lyrics fit perfectly into the story I was trying to tell, and they just tied together the message of The Milestone in such a fluid way that I couldn’t ignore how seamless of a conclusion it was.
My process of experimentation, revision, and feedback was fairly short and uneventful. This story just flowed out of me onto the page; it wanted to be told. I did revise the piece several times, however, each revision having different diction and syntax to support particular tones, moods, and voices that I was trying out. I finally settled on having the atmosphere of the piece being rough, hot, and crowded, with the voice itself being a juxtaposition- it was a developed, insightful voice based in a mature environment, yet reflecting on the innocence of their childhood. I did not get much feedback on The Milestone because I did not seek it out; this was one of the few pieces I’ve written with which I knew the writing just needed to come from me without the input of others. The only feedback that I received was to highlight the line, “The music had been everything to me,” by separating it from other text. I gladly took this into account and made it part of my final product. Other than that, The Milestone was fairly organic and raw while still being intentional. There were no significant epiphanies with this non-fiction piece, either; it was fluid writing that didn’t go through many changes between the first and final drafts.
The only final thought I would like to leave off with here is to thank Shania Twain for my childhood.
The Current of Time was the first creative piece I wrote this year, and was so titled because the major theme of
this free choice piece was about how time passes us by. In seventeen words I would summarize the plot and theme of this piece as being: In the forest of life, adversity rises and dies down; meanwhile time has passed, colour has died. The purpose of this piece was to symbolically demonstrate the different aspects of life, thereby ultimately proving how we focus too much on the problems in our lives instead of living in the moment. Another thing I wanted this piece to achieve was to show how when we fixate on our own lives, we lose sight of beauty all around us. The Current of Time serves as a sort of literary warning to my audience; its messages, as common as they might seem, are still incredibly valuable and an important thing to be aware of. My audience for this piece was my Advanced Placement English class, which meant that I especially worked hard to polish and perfect this piece so that it would be a valuable thing to share with them. Because I knew that this particular audience would analyze The Current of Time and be able to understand the symbolic and metaphorical layers, I went ahead and wrote this short story in that way.
While other people did not influence the creation of The Current of Time, the biggest thing to have influenced this story was an activity that took participants through a symbolic journey. A writing and visualization exercise, this symbolic journey began with the facilitator asking us to close our eyes and visualize a forest. We had to engage all five of our senses, but other than that it was an open ended visualization in which we got to create the world we saw with our minds’ eyes. The journey took us through various obstacles and environments, each of which had its own symbolic meaning (for example, when we encountered a key in the forest, the key represented our self-perception. Similarly, encounters with a cup were symbolic of our view of love.) At regular intervals, we would open our eyes and write down what we saw. My journey was long but intriguing the entire time. However, what really stuck with me was the forest in which the journey began. This forest represented our life at the present moment. My forest had been a beautiful one, full of the hues of autumn. I presumed that it meant I was enjoying my vibrant life, which was true. This forest was a constant presence in my mind during the subsequent days, so much so that I started writing The Current of Time based off of the forest I had encountered in my symbolic journey.
“A quiet forest of maple trees in the autumn stretched before me, an infinite expanse that held me with warmth and comfort.”
There are two craft decisions I made with The Current of Time that I want to highlight: the lack of personal details that the narrator gives, and my use of colour. The choice to not give the narrator any depth of character was not a stylistic choice that I took lightly, but one that I decided would be effective in terms of reinforcing the messages of this piece. Again, some of the things I wanted to convey with this piece were that we no longer live in the moment, and that we allow our lives, our problems, and our situations to consume us to the point where we can no longer see beauty in the world around us. I made the choice to leave out personal effects and any characterizations intentionally, because I felt that the beginning of the piece needed that sense of solitude in the forest- without the bustle of inner thoughts or detail of character- in order to show the reader how the world is peaceful and beautiful. The imagery and beauty at the beginning needed to be heightened so that the lack of beauty at the end was all the more dramatic. As well, I was attempting to use this lack of character as a way to show how taking a step back from our fixations around our own lives can be incredibly eye-opening; without insights into the character’s life, the reader would be much less distracted and more open to taking in the beauty of the forest. The other significant stylistic choice I made with The Current of Time was my use of color.
“…the colors and vibrancies of the leaves. Spectral rays filtered through the canopy of leaves above, dappling the forest floor and transforming mine into a world where it rained vermillion and copper and golden and scarlet, all falling to create a carpet of fire at the base of nature’s towers.”
Color, in The Current of Time, equals beauty. I used it at the beginning along with scents, sounds, and other sights in order to show the multi-dimensional splendour of the world. By the end of the piece however, the world has been leached of colour:
“The rain has washed out the flaming colors from the autumn leaves. What had once been amber, claret, russet, and marigold were now monochromatic variations of the same dull grey. Onyx to snow, with a thousand shades in between. The world had been leached of color, drowned in a black-and-white filter, drenched in achromatic gloom.”
The transformation of colour is a way to demonstrate how fixation on one’s own life and one’s adversity (as symbolized by the river) makes one lose sight of beauty. The transformation also illustrates how not living in the moment and appreciating life means that life will pass you by. I think that this was a good choice to make because it supports my messages in a really dramatic and obvious way.
When I began writing the first draft of The Current of Time, I intended to write a piece that described my entire symbolic journey. But when I began writing, I found that a different story wanted to be told, but that the forest of the symbolic journey would remain as the setting. I did toy with the idea of having the seasons change rather than having the colour disappear, but I found that the transformation into winter was not as impactful as the death of colour. I therefore decided on having color being the changing factor rather than the seasons. I also experimented with the idea of the narrator having an encounter with a bear. This idea was one that came from the symbolic journey- the bear was a trial we had to face that represented how we viewed and dealt with problems. Yet I found that it did not fit the themes of the piece, nor did the bear’s addition wholeheartedly align with my purposes in writing The Current of Time. In the process of writing this piece, I received some great feedback from parents and peers that I incorporated into this story, the biggest thing changing as a result of feedback was the use of different senses. At first, I had appealed mainly to sight with a few references to other senses, but when it was pointed out to me that using other senses in my initial description of the forest would be beneficial, I wholeheartedly agreed and therefore added it in. After making several revisions and deciding to take out what details there were of the narrator, I created the final draft of The Current of Time, which is now polished and published. Other than my ideas regarding the use of colour change and season change, I had no significant epiphanies while writing The Current of Time, but my process of revision, experimentation, and feedback was a lengthy one.
The Current of Time, being one of the first things I wrote this year, is a great marker for where I started as a writer at the beginning of the semester. This short story is a wonderful example of where I began five months ago compared to where I am now. I believe that I have developed to a point where I could take a piece like this and make it more accessible to a wider audience and use other techniques to improve it. While I think that The Current of Time is well written, I know that I can do better now. I do, however, think that writing this short story was a great learning opportunity for me, and I’m very glad to have written it.
This marks the end of my fifth and final reflection. I am grateful to have gotten the chance to reflect on my development over the last few months- as a writer, a blogger, a student, a fan, and a critic of my work. This last semester of writing was vibrant, fun, and stimulating but it was also a period of time in which I developed hugely. I would like to leave off with a quote that I think nicely compliments my personal thoughts on the contents of this reflection:
Citations:
“Words of Wisdom from Narnia.” Pinterest. Pinterest. Web. 16 Jan. 2016. <https://www.pinterest.com/pin/99149629272820671/>.
“Black Girls Like Me.” Black Girls Like Me. WordPress. Web. 16 Jan. 2016. <http://blackgirlslikeme.com/tag/heart-and-mind-conflict/>.
“Writing at Its Best.” Princeton Writes. 31 July 2015. Web. 16 Jan. 2016. <https://pwrites.princeton.edu/2015/07/31/writing-at-its-best-2/>.
“5 Pieces Of Content: 25 Link Ideas.” Search Engine Land. 3 Feb. 2015. Web. 16 Jan. 2016. <http://searchengineland.com/5-pieces-content-25-link-ideas-213611>.
Please see citations from pieces I have referenced.
